By (the way) the numbers

For $5.32 my former land lord, J. & K. Kolb, certified an envelope sent to my new address.
My previous address had a refundable security deposit of $700.
Plus a $250 refundable pet deposit.
Backstory: my landlord gave my rooomates and I an ultimatum to pay an extra $350 a month.
Or to move out within 30 days.
This was on July 1.
In 14 days we found a new home.
It's 10 blocks east.
And seven blocks south.
On moving day we rented a U-haul for $41.83.
We woke up a 9 that morning.
And moved until 1 p.m. -- I called out of work.
At the former place, I picked up 245 cigarette butts.
And 164 styrofoam peanuts -- don't ask.
I filled up six trash bags.
And made four loads in my Volvo station wagon.
I sold the washer and dryer for $60.
I pulled 85 weeds.
I replaced two sets of blinds.
And two screens for two windows.
By the first of the month I was ready for checkout.
Note: A landlord has 30 days to repay deposit or explain what's taken out.
J.K. Kolb replied to me on the 18th of last month. Subtractions were as follows:
$66.00 materials, $150.00 - To replace broken mirror/closet door in main bedroom.
$97.93 -missing window blinds
$44.90-missing hose and reel
$111.00-broken doggie door
$85.00 material, 50 labor -replace and recode missing garage door openers
$150.00 rebuild wood gat a dog run entry, chewed by dog
$29.98 -replacement of broken towel rod in bathroom
$140.00 -labor paid to JDK construction to install blinds, doggie door, and towel rod
$31.43 + $15.50 -unpaid garbage bill, charge to pick up full bins
TOTAL = $971.74
"Thank you again for being residents of our home at 1824 SE Taggart St., the letter declared."

"Catch you later," K.'s final words to me in person.
Never.

1 comment :

Anonymous said...

remember that eddie murphy bit about his landlord