When the universal remote's batteries died the codes must have gotten erased, that or when we moved because when we tried to use it in our new house after the batteries were replaced it didn't seem to work on either the TV or the DVD player and for months we had to stand up off the couch and depress buttons on top of the TV or on the face of the DVD player to get to the channel we desired or the scene or right episode, depending on whether it was a movie or a season of a particular show, which isn't as easy as it sounds because on certain DVD menus you have to move a cursor, which our particular DVD player doesn't have, and, therefore, we had to learn and try to execute a strange combination (similar to, referred to, even, as that of the once-famous (still?) hundred-lives code on CONTRA for the NES) of buttons including but not limited to: Play, Stop, Power, Power, Play, Stop, Play, Play, Play, until finally--and only if it worked--we could get to the particular scene or start of movie/episode we desired to view at the time we wanted to watch it, but what also was happening with the TV that we possess was that a menu which includes visual brightness/contrast but also closed captioning and language options as well s channel auto-programming would come up and could only be exited from if you pressed both greater than and lesser than volume buttons at the same time, but even that didn't always work and often--almost always--you could only go up with the channel dial(?) rather than up and down, which is preferred if you have a handful of channels and can't decide on which is airing the least objectionable program, so watching TV, which if you ask me is frustrating enough, became an undesirable past time even though it's supposed to be a leisurely activity(?) and is despite a recent Times article which reported that watching TV can make you sad, which according to me can be but that depends on the program because a show can also make you angry or smarter; it can make you laugh, and it can even make you share a good laugh with others if they are there with you, watching the same TV, further it can make you share a laugh much later (which can be a more satisfying laugh) with another if they watched it or were watching when it was on and are, say, at the water cooler at the same time you are at your place of business or wherever you find water coolers these days to gather around and talk about TV programs, but I digress from the universal remote's dead batteries, which, if you'll let me continue, we replaced but as I said the codes didn't work until my beautiful and talented girlfriend asked if we replaced batteries with dead batteries, which sounded offensive but proved to be true: they did not work, and then when she replaced them before looking up the remote and the TV and DVD player brands on the Internet and also the brand of the remote and re-programmed the universal remote successfully: first the TV--on, off; channel: up, down; then the DVD player: power on, power off, which we celebrated together by hugging one another, and is great for we'll have good fun with all three brand-differently-named appliances until February 17th, when television as we know it will go from digital to analog, which is supposed to improve our lives along with our reception if in fact one has a digital TV, is a subscribert to cable TV, or has in one's possession a digital converter box, which my household has none of and refuses to get, so we'll be without those channels and those programs that we could otherwise flip to and fro with the universal remote that now works again in this new year on both the TV, and did I mention DVD player? which will not be affected by the digital revolution, so if we want we could watch a DVD like Michael Powell's Peeping Tom, which we did this afternoon on our TV using the TV and DVD player successfully without a remote and with minimal problems.


At the bar drinking whiskey wondering.
What's this. It's new. And neat.
Beer back.
Now, this.
So what.
Drink. And wonder.
Standing. Outside.
Home, I wonder. Sure.
Gotta leave. Where. Home.
Pipe. Try.
Then. Puff more.
Then. More.


First rule of Pipe Club: Get a pipe.
Smoke your pipe.
Use matches.
See if anyone else has a pipe and wants to smoke pipes with you.
Try and get together every now and again and smoke pipes, each of you.
Trade stories, tobacco flavors, pipe cleaners.
Smoke outside, it's best.
Don't share your pipe, make it your personal pipe.
No girls allowed. They don't like pipes.
Have pipe club by yourself, that's okay.
Let smoke linger in your mouth.
Blow it out.
Puff on your pipe.