Did you know?


It's a fact that I've been in Portland over a year.
Carsonation celebrated its one-year anni this month.
I'm 26 and have all my teeth, though a couple are chipped --fucking beer bottles.
I live with three other males ages 22-29, and I'm not in a frat.
I have a dog, Heidi.
As of this summer, I have no car.
Now, I ride my bike.
I ride the bus/MAX/streetcar more.
I have two jobs and get paid for only one, making a mere $8.25/hour sucking the corporate cock.
It's raining out. Or will be within the hour.
I'm 5 feet 11 inches but sometimes tell people I'm well over six-foot.
I've weighed 140 lbs. for the last decade, despite it all.
I'm certain this will catch up with me, so am watching what I drink.
There isn't one particular girl in my life.
Thanks to Maury, I found out that I am NOT the father.
I got everything I asked for for Christmas, except for the X-box 360 (Fuck you too, Santa.).
I smoked a Cuban cigar on Christmas with my friend Maria; we had a cigar seance, attempting to communicate with Che. To no avail we talked to one another instead.
I talked to my two cousins on the phone for the first time in years; they both referred to me as carsonation, so I'm certain they'(ve)ll read this, and do in fact owe me a phone call.
Despite my offers on this site, no one requested a gift from me this Christmas.
It is my pleasure to publish your comments, whatever they may be. So long as they don't attempt to sell things/services.

my gift to you

And so it seems that some things I write won't get published for the weekly paper I'm working for. Little space. No room for my insane stuff. So--my gift to you-- the goods are all yours. I'm happy to share, the hard work I'm not getting paid to write for you or anyone. Tear it apart like ten-year olds on Christmas opening gifts they don't deserve. Love you.

There are tree lovers, huggers, and anti-tree toppers --in Oregon we love
our evergreens. We’ll chop them, hock them, sit atop them. We'll prop them up in
our homes. But holly forbid we agree on a name to call them.
The tree is on our cars’ plates—does that make us Christmas people? We
send more trees out of state this time of year than any other state. We
should really own Tree, register a trademark, dot com it--If it's not too late.

This year holiday stole the tree from us, and from Christmas. Holiday took the tree from Christmas, which stole it from Solstice, which was invented before Christ
was around to insist we celebrate. Now, there’s just a holiday season--the
holiday tree shades more of us.

A drunk Portlander was recently arrested for reselling trees he stole, but it’s the
tree that stole the my Christmas time attention. Wait a miracle,
has the Christmas tree dried out? Are we dropping Christmas from Christmas
holiday? Or are just the trees falling?

"Rev." Jerry Falwell heckled Boston’s mayor for calling its tree a holiday tree,
but does he own Christmas? Do Christians or capitalists?—not to be
confused with those on Capitol Hill who argued the name of the tree in
D.C. –now there are two, a Christmas and a holiday tree.

For most—85 percent of the U.S. population is Christian-- the tree is the
gathering spot for consumer celebration on Christmas Day, this year Dec.
25. It’s the Christmas tree – there aren’t holiday menorahs, or Christmas
menorahs for that matter—that’s a staple living room or city square decoration. It was a Christmas tree that Charlie Brown bought and gave meaning to, and a trip
to the Christmas tree lot on A Christmas Story, where we first learned the
word fuuuuudge. So why does it seem that this year, more than any other,
there is a drive to steal Christmas and give it the holiday name?
Well, retailers don’t want to offend; politicians want to maintain constituency.
I suggest Adam Sandler's name for the once-living, add sugar to your stand’s water, foliage that we light up--and gather around: marajuanic-ah.

Enjoy your holiday.

I wanna be your shopping-mall santa

There is no waiting in line here. Sit on my lap? It's not going to happen, however, if you want to hear from me this holiday season and you want something from me, here are the rules:

1. It's got to be a book, CD, DVD, or something that can be found at a Borders. (this is where I work; I have Borders Bucks, and that is all I can afford to spend. I may be crafty, but not for you, not this holiday season.)

2. Contact me. E-mail is best: kitcarsonsmith@yahoo.com. And when you do, be specific. Type titles, authors, bands, ISBNs, UPCs. These things I understand. The more specific you are the better your chances of Saint Kit coming down your chimney. (I got to write that!)

3. You must do this soon. Sometimes it takes me a while to do stuff. I'd hate for you to have nothing under your tree from me. So hurry; get me your list.

4. And I was kidding when I said list. You should ask for one special book or CD. Maybe you should have a back up. You won't get both. You'll be lucky to get one. I will try.

5. Your addy is required. I'll need to send you this gift. Unless you come to me... Plus, if you get me your location you just might get a card or something written that tells you more about me. Or some complete lie like that.

6. I'm the final judge on who gets what. If I don't like what you want, you don't get it. If I have any problems finding what you what, ziltch. If I don't really know you, chances are I'm spending your Bucks on someone I do. Other restrictions do apply. But I won't go into those at this time.

Dems da conditions dat prevail. Nuff said.