She smiled

I stopped typing and caught her eye. She smiled. The corners of my mouth went up for a split second and she looked away. I looked at the screen. She looked at me again and then back down at her book. That was it.

At first look, you're hot;
I see you again and not;
third time and you're mine.

Guess it wasn't meant to be. It's crazy how many times we experience these encounters. Me, all too often with nothing happening. What could have been, but doesn't and most likely shouldn't.

every time I turn
around I see something that
takes my mind way back.

I figure I'm trapped in the past. My mind anyway. It's there. I'm physically here, but that doesn't seem to matter much. I wait for the moment when I snap, come back to reality and get my present.

I drink by myself.
Nobody gets hurt this way,
nobody but me.

Mind slips and I feel neither sad nor mad. I'm not happy or glad for anything in particular. I feel like myself. Flat. There's no up. No down. My face doesn't smile at a sound. Doesn't turn a frown, but it's bound to when I sober and think of true love, may have happened for a reason, but doesn't seem to exist any longer. Without it, I'm neither weaker nor stronger. A year goes by, neither happier nor sadder. I'm not mad or glad about this. I just feel like myself. Ready to go any which way.

I put the glass down,
this time for good, or for now.
This shit's getting old.

A new day could bring bright things. I'll see when I wake and it's dark but not late. It'll be early; I'll be in a hurry and won't have time to pray that this new day will go my way. That could cost me, so I'll pray ahead, from my bed the night before. I'll implore wishes, wants, forced feelings on others.... Hard to believe that at one point it wasn't like this. I wasn't a mess, but doing my best and things seemed certain, not possible, but probable, expectations not needed to be met and no real reason to be upset. Ah, regret.

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